pitched verbal comm

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Somehow I feel that my life isn't clicking with anyone else. Maybe I started in this school on the wrong note. In the class, I'm being shunned away by those three girls who I never say "Hi what's up?" to them. I played no importance at all to the class activities. I'm not the one who goes up and everybody cheers. My social life is at stake here and I can do nothing about it. I made drastic changes to myself in order to fit in. I am not on a flip switch.

I'm not everyone's Raymond. I don't feel loved at all. Neither appreciated. It's a shame really, because I can do more than what I'm doing now but I just don't have the X factor. What am I? I am just follower...What's so great about me? I am not cut out for a leader. Now I don't even know why I'm picked as the Concert Master for my school band. Hui Xian got more guts thaN I have. Hell, Syazwanie is awesome too. As far as I see it, I'm not making any damn progress in my life. I feel I let everybody down including myself. I'm not as brilliant as my English teacher had said. Everything that I have done is through hard work. Sincerely working and practising, hoping to make a change in my studies.

Even now schools are not focusing much on studies. Rather, they would want to nurture leaders out of them. Being a leader is something much more than practising. You got to have it in you already, that's how I feel. I am just me. I'm a nobody. Shaun, Farhan and probably the rest are going to forget about me in a decade. But I won't forget the people who made a life-changing experience for me. Those wonderful seniors and my band mates and especially Sir. I'm just good at following orders, I'm not good at giving out.

Oh Johnny wishes he was famous
spends his time alone in the basement
with Lennon and Cobain
and a guitar with a stereo