pitched verbal comm

Isn't This I Wanted?

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Last Post(Til next year)

Isn't this I wanted? I ask myself repeatedly, again and again. Now I don't know.

Just told Yan Ting that I still like her, and it's true. Maybe she will forget all of these stuff but for me I know I won't because of all the sweet feelings I had are memorable, unforgettable. I had a decision, probably the best. I would tell Yan Ting that I like her but I won't go for her. I told her only the half of it. What happened to the other half of my decision? Maybe it's wrong, or I may miscalculated somehow, hurting myself instead of healing. But isn't this I wanted? What do I want exactly? Love in return, or just friends? My mind is in a whirl right now. It's too late for redemption, for I have done the unexpected of myself. Too late...too late...Maybe my elder sister was right, don't expect too much from a girl...Maybe she wasn't the one for me, maybe we're not even fated. I never expect this to happen, ok something, but not this. It's all a bunch of stories that parents tell their little girls that their prince charming will always be there or in my case, my princess. It's a fairy tale...and fairy tale are a bunch of hoax. Not that I will believe in love again, I will believe in it again, but never a fairy tale ending with the phrase ending the story "And they lived happily ever after..The End.". There will no "Happily ever after" in my life story so don't go telling optimistic young little girls about my story, it will send their hopes crashing down.

Late...I was late, once again...I was late in Primary 6 and now. God's giving me a hint that I should stay single for now, He's right...I should have listened to Pei Yun and I shouldn't have broke my fucking promise...I can no longer trust my own self, my feelings are not wrong, but just it occured at the wrong time. WRONG WRONG WRONG...Thank God, I have 2 months of relaxation before I go back to the stinking old school. Gives me enough time to grab her outta my heart and throw it into a box under the bed where I won't bother looking for it.

So this is the last post I'm posting here til next year, if I ever come here and break it, tell me through the tagboard or MSN Messenger, I don't want to come back to a website filled with unhappiness in it and ruin my goddamn holiday...Well, wish you people out there Happy Holidays! And the best of luck in everything you do! TIL NEXT TIME, BYE! BANZAI!!!