pitched verbal comm

Isn't This I Wanted?

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Last Post(Til next year)

Isn't this I wanted? I ask myself repeatedly, again and again. Now I don't know.

Just told Yan Ting that I still like her, and it's true. Maybe she will forget all of these stuff but for me I know I won't because of all the sweet feelings I had are memorable, unforgettable. I had a decision, probably the best. I would tell Yan Ting that I like her but I won't go for her. I told her only the half of it. What happened to the other half of my decision? Maybe it's wrong, or I may miscalculated somehow, hurting myself instead of healing. But isn't this I wanted? What do I want exactly? Love in return, or just friends? My mind is in a whirl right now. It's too late for redemption, for I have done the unexpected of myself. Too late...too late...Maybe my elder sister was right, don't expect too much from a girl...Maybe she wasn't the one for me, maybe we're not even fated. I never expect this to happen, ok something, but not this. It's all a bunch of stories that parents tell their little girls that their prince charming will always be there or in my case, my princess. It's a fairy tale...and fairy tale are a bunch of hoax. Not that I will believe in love again, I will believe in it again, but never a fairy tale ending with the phrase ending the story "And they lived happily ever after..The End.". There will no "Happily ever after" in my life story so don't go telling optimistic young little girls about my story, it will send their hopes crashing down.

Late...I was late, once again...I was late in Primary 6 and now. God's giving me a hint that I should stay single for now, He's right...I should have listened to Pei Yun and I shouldn't have broke my fucking promise...I can no longer trust my own self, my feelings are not wrong, but just it occured at the wrong time. WRONG WRONG WRONG...Thank God, I have 2 months of relaxation before I go back to the stinking old school. Gives me enough time to grab her outta my heart and throw it into a box under the bed where I won't bother looking for it.

So this is the last post I'm posting here til next year, if I ever come here and break it, tell me through the tagboard or MSN Messenger, I don't want to come back to a website filled with unhappiness in it and ruin my goddamn holiday...Well, wish you people out there Happy Holidays! And the best of luck in everything you do! TIL NEXT TIME, BYE! BANZAI!!!

Year Of Emotions

Again, another year has gone and I'm still living peacefully in this world. A lot of stuff have come and go, happiness then sadness, love then depression, depression then hope...The good things are always left on the last of the list and hopefully my decision for my matter is the right choice I make. As you can see, every year, is different from each year. The events we have, the problems we have, are always different. No matter how minor or major the problem is, we all managed to solve it.

This year, my emotions played a very big part in my life and made me vulnerable to almost every problem. But it taught me to be stronger, not to run away and embrace it. It is inevitable, so no use running away. Like the time when my family nearly parted because my Dad was outside having an affair. But thank God, it didn't split. And my arm disfigured because I once liked Camillie. Come to think of it, I was so stupid that time. Friends who are not perfect...

Me, Shaun and Bobby, we are all facing love problems, but sometimes you have to know, if it's not possible, don't go for it, because the truth always hurts. Remember that we are all still young, there are other girls out there. Girls come and go in your life because your expectations of that girl is met but what if you met someone else who is better than her? Her world will be shattered and she will be in so much pain that she will hate you when you go for the other. So, I'm here to say if you believe that you can hold on to her no matter what happen, then don't hesitate to go for it but remember, you got to make changes and sacrifices in your life to make that one person happy, if you guys managed to stead.

Life is simple actually, you work hard, you have sucess, if not, you will lose. It's basic survival instinct. Learn to be clever in class, don't act like a blur cock and get bullied by some people. I'd slap them if they ever piss me off and I just slapped one guy just now. It was so shiok...haha. Yan Ting, you don't have to get your hands dirty. Haha...

Bye bye, i gotta go, have Band Practice coming up...

Secrets

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Secrets

THIS POST HAVE BEEN CENSORED

Decisions

Monday, October 23, 2006

Decisions

I've been through many tough battles in my head, thinking it through and pondering, and the thing is, I managed to win the battles but this problem has been like a prick in the fucking neck. Time is running out and I gotta make a quick decision, it's either I do nothing about it or I take matters into my own hands. I've been running away. Run, run and run...I can sure run, but how long can I last? I seriously don't know, becaus one day it's going to screw me up badly that I will never ever face up to that person.

I wish I died on the spot, my brain is nearly bursting now...Whenever I get high, I will knock my head with my hands and shouting "AAAAAARGGGGGGH" Why is it so hard to do something right? I wish someone understand me, thank God, I told Andrew, he's always right. Bobby and Shaun, I know you guys think that's the right Decision to do but I'm sorry, I can't fulfill it, I don't want the whole shit process repeat again, nothing good is going to happen even I keep it. I can't embrace it, that's why I'm throwing it away. Please no more mental torture...

Listening to Clay Aiken's Album "A Thousand Different Ways, an album filled with love songs. Man, digs his vocals, different ranges of vocal and bloody brilliant...Played "Becaused You Loved Me" at my sister's wedding(mentioned this before), nice songs and compilations...Ok I gotta go...bye!

WEDDING DAY

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Wedding Day

Before I begin, this post was suppose to be here on the blog last night but because there was some fucking error then I couldn't post it. Don't wanna talk about it, make my blood boil.

Anyway, the day started like any other except this was my sister's wedding day. Woke up early, we did and was getting prepared for the big day. Make-up artist came early in the morning and went up to do up my sister's face, making it pretty and stuff, God knows what other things...The sisters came and prepared the tortures for the groom. I don't know what plan they came up with but I know it's gonna be hell for him..Poor Ken kor kor...haiz. The camera-men arrived too.

8:30 am the groom arrived, and I went out to opened the car door for him. His brothers came too and the tortures began. It was filled with lipstick marks, eating pork lard and chicken skin, pole dancing, singing a song loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear...And the camera-men took it all down on his camcorder...bloody awesome. Then after the groom fetched my sister, whoosh! They have gone to the Groom's parents house to serve tea and something else. Me and Huanting went there too but we arrived just in time to go to the SOKA centre.

SOKA centre was next on our destination so as they could to certify their marriage with some old man as the Justice of Peace. Funny guy...We took some photos in some room then show the v-sign, meaning V for Victory, LOL. If you showed that sign in Britain, you'll get bashed up. LOL, Jiao Fu taught me that...hahah. Anyway, after that ceremony, we all went home for lunch where I use the comp and the stinking Malaysian relatives came to my house.

We had the tea ceremony where the newlyweds have to serve tea to the bride's parents. Me and Huan Ting, my younger sis, also have to serve tea to the newlyweds. HAHA, thank God the damned camera-man never take it down. I went to the computer to listen to songs. I was one of the last few to eat because there were many people eating...And what's worse? TOO MUCH FOOD, then got leftovers for the maid to eat at night but it was too much for her also..HAHA...

Evening came nearer and by that time, no more guests were at my house except for the Malaysian idiots, take my bed, take my pillows and take my SHAMPOO somemore...wah, very guo fen lor...then Dad dropped me, my mom and huanting at Pan Pacific where we would find my sister's hotel room and her make-up artist making my dear elder sister pretty. LOL.

Skipping a few things, the wedding dinner started. We had a march-in which was special and they had Clay Aiken's Because You Loved Me playing in the background. Then I had to smile because me and huanting had to come in first and we were thrown petals at. Dammit la, she's my sister not my girlfriend lar...I know she looks very nice that clothes but she's not my friend..haha..ok...then my cousins came in also then it's so nice...Thanks to the newlyweds idea, it worked out perfectly.

A few more entertaining programs followed. The 2nd march-in was the part where the groom sang "Now and Forever" on stage with his acoustic guitar while my elder sister walked in with her arms around my father, it was so damn nice and romantic too...My heart went soft and my dad eyes went red when he came back to his seat. It's really nice. Then don't know what happen to him, suddenly he went crazy and became very happy throughout the dinner. HAHA...he must be really happy. Hours later, the wedding ended with a blast.

After counting the money and watching the video Danny, the photographer, recorded that morning, we went home. Way too tired to sms Yan Ting, somemore my sister wanted to sleep in the car during the journey and she was complaining the handphone keep ringing every 5 mins...

Reached home, I took a bath and went directly to the mattress given to me to sleep. I slept nicely until the fucking Malaysians keep making noises in the morning...anyway that's irrelevant...haha

Really felt very happy for my sister and my jie fu...Hahaha sad, I could help them play the drumset but it was short notice before I know it...That's all, folks. I'm tired from typing all this paragraphs...so byebye!

Sister's Pre-Wedding Day

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Wedding Day

Of course it's not mine, otherwise it'll be against the law of marriage or something like that...Happy for my elder sister, finally getting married off to some marvelous guy that she met 8 years ago. Hahaha, imagine if I had a speech for this pair of newlyweds, it'll be so damn cheesy. Now there are like tons of women in my house including my cousins. LOL! Tomorrow won't be fun though...I hate the tea ceremony, I got to serve tea to them also. Damn I'm scared I'll screw up tomorrow...

K gotta go now..

Wicked Endings

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Wicked Endings

It's about like 1 week more til the holidays end...Can't believe it's ending so fast. And so cruel too...I don't know what to do, I'll miss my friends a lot and we are all gonna split up and go to different classes...Mom says if I could go to 3e6 or 7, she would make me go there because there are teachers dedicated to teach us or something like that. But that's not the point. I know studies are important but friends are important to me too. Just like Yan Ting(press the letter V and view her blog...) said in her blog, "but,will it be as close as before?im quite doubtful about it..." So true...I totally agree. Trust me, it won't be...I've seen great pals come and go in my life. It's like the PSLE spirit again, getting into new schools and crying about why you didn't enter the same school with your good buddies.

Yan Ting said she nearly cried while blogging. To me, that's normal...because I'm already moaning over it. Emotional feelings is what I can feel, taste and smell now. I've no appetite for anything and I'm just slacking around, being sad about it. I don't want to be separated from my friends. They are like my family now, in school I mean. I didn't expect this to happen. I should have anticipated this thing but I was too engrossed in something important. Planning and attacking the guy and I'm still working on it and hopefully that bastard doesn't end up same class as me or else, he is so gonna die. I'm praying hard that we can end up in the same class.

I want a deux ex machina!! Please give it to me, God!!...I don't want everything to end! *BEEP* the Matrix films! "Everything that has a beginning has an end"'s bullshit! Why must it all come to a fucking wicked end? It's not fair, the world isn't fair, Life isn't fair...Okay I got to stop now otherwise I'll end up wailing too..

Deux Ex Machina

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Deux Ex Machina

Deux Ex Machina is a Greek term. It has something to do machines from God or something like that. The meaning of this term is that someone sends you a miracle to save you from something that you don't like. I wish had a duex ex machina to save me from emotional issues that's coming to me soon...Even Yan Ting's getting a little emotional nowadays...because all of us are going to be split up and we all miss each other and stuff.

All we need now is a miracle to pull us back together. I don't know what I'm talking about. All I know that I just need duex ex machina...SAVE MEEEEEEEEE ARGH...

D-Day

Monday, October 16, 2006

Results Day

Got back my results today, I can't say I'm really happy, it's just that some things are not as happy as it seems to be. Who knows, maybe I can't really be with the people that I loved. I meant my family...Everything is split. I don't want to mention future classes and results but I'm just sad that everything good must come to a wicked ending. Like the story in the Series of Unfortunate Events, I've read finished the 13th book and it's the last in the series. I was kind of sad that it ended that way. Didn't expect that ending..But it's still a good read.

It was depressing to see people lining up to the English teacher and begging for marks so that they could take bio, a part of triple science thingy. I mean, yeah so I did went up to her in the end, but I gave her back, I don't want the frigging marks. I'm honest, I don't go against my own conscience. I don't even want to take up bio. That sucks, man...Only doctor-wannabes take that up.

Thank God for my results and if u put us in the same class, that will be the greatest gift ever that you gave me...haiz....

Spaced TV Series

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Spaced TV Series

Since exams are over, I've been spending my time trying to think of solutions to problems while trying to have fun during the bloody days. All I'm trying to say I had a lot of stuff to deal with after the exams. Having a little war inside my head, thinking of how to deal with this and that. Fighting the inner demons and stuff. Been crazy, and I couldn't sleep properly. But thank God that one of the matter is over. Ok, I don't care what He tried to do in the past but I'm worried for Her safety. Never thought that it'd be over that fast.

You see, horrible things been popping out of nowhere and things seemed a little dreary to me. I was thinking "What the hell is happening?!" but my answer wasn't answered. Bad things and good things came and past, like the weather(took it from the chinese LC paper) and I really can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm damned. I was losing hope and losing the battle in me. Until true friends and a Spaced TV Series came by.

In the day, I would watch Spaced and enjoy every single second of it, laughing my ass off because of that hilarious Simon Pegg and his co-actors. In the night, I would think of how I would deal with my problems. Then Bobby came by and helped me out. A lot. Through this, I probably learn the thing about friendship, trust and loyalty. Shaun came too, joking around but serious whenever he's needed.

One night, Bobby solved it all, he told the truth to Her. And She sort of dumped that guy because of the thing He did. Didn't know what exactly He said but yeah, victory! I was happy but I blocked Her because I didn't want to talk to her at the moment. I've been stressed, and this problem just solved in front of me. I'm really surprised at the speed. I just couldn't accept it for the moment but today I did. And to you, Girl, me, Bobby and Shaun will always be here whenever you need us.

I took this from Spaced "They say the family of the 21st century is made of friends, not relatives." And this is pretty true. Yeah so I have other friends in other schools and family at home supporting me but to me you guys went all the trouble to help me, I really thank you guys and these are the people who helped me

Andrew: for listening to my whinings when my heart broke
Pei Yun: for giving me advice on what to do
Roseline: for keeping my secrets
Shaun: for being there always supporting me
Bobby: for helping me solving my problems
Yan Ting: for listening to my problems
and a whole lot of others who I have not mentioned

Though we don't live in an apartment like the characters in Spaced and not know each other, I felt there's a special feeling we share among ourselves. That feeling cannot be bought by money or be gained in just a couple of weeks. It took months and years to forge that kind of feeling. So let's all gain for a better year with better exam results next year! And face the troubles together as a family!

Best of luck and so long, readers!
(I had a bad experience before so if you don't like the way I am, please bug off and stop wasting your time reading it. Thanks.)

Exams Over

Sunday, October 08, 2006

War is over and another one is coming soon

Yeah, so exams are over. I spent my friday playing football with my good buddies from 2e7 and Chun, Chin Leong, Kwai Yuen and Bobby and boy...It was full of fun, man! We displayed skills and had made jokes during the matches. Chin Leong scored from being the keeper. I scored with my left foot. Wah it was my first time where I scored with a lefty, man! So damn cool!! haha!

We played until we sweat so much, but I was the one who sweated the most. My whole shirt was wet with my stinky sweat! They bought drinks and I was one of the few ones who drank so much! Well I have to thank these guys for buying big bottles of drinks. Thanks!

Yesterday I was slacking the whole day. I went out cycling from my house to go TM, just to waste my time. I bought Mentose and Vanila Coke from a 7-Eleven store at some large building(I didn't went into TM, I was only outside) and cycled around the place, can't remember what I was thinking that time, musta been drunk at that time. Then I wanted to go to Andrew's house but he wasn't at home so I went to Eastpoint to get some water because I ran out of Coke. Haha, I acted like a drunkard in the mall...So damn cool.

Anyway, that's most of it! See you guys next time!

Faith

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Faith

I just found this thing on my sister's table...really meaningful, though it's about my religion, I think it applies to every religion too. Just want to share with everyone.

Why do we practise faith? It is to win in life. Victory is happiness; it brings joy. Defeat, on the other hand, is misery. No excuse can take away the wretchedness of defeat. That is why it is important to win in life and never be defeated. That is the purpose of Faith.

And another quote from my mother, I'll translate it into english.

Those who work very hard will have good days ahead of them while those who slack in their work will find their days filled with bitterness.

Exams Frenzy(took from Chin Leong)

Monday, October 02, 2006

Wah, exams are finally here! Going to study like a crazy retard, but I'm kinda addicted to computer..HAHA...Anyway, going to do some things after the frenzy. Bored as ever...

Haiz maths exam was easy but I spent a lot of time on the algebra questions then some of the other questions I couldn't finish, haiz, I lost about 7 marks because of it, SIAN. Literature I totally screwed it up, but I tried to comprehend every single shit that the paper dishes out. I was so tired today that my eyelids barely opened up, I'm not tired but my eyelids are. So I had a nice long sleep this afternoon. I feel so good right now. Maybe I would study Geography later, science is on the menu too. Anyway I gotta go, see you guys next time.